With the lights dim on set, Perd Hapley steps toward and takes a seat at his desk. He takes a sip of his mug of water as if it were hot coffee, widening his eyes for a moment. Numbers count down. The lights come on.
Hello, what you are watching is an episode of Ya Herd with Perd, as in Perd Hapley. I’m Perd Hapley. In this episode, I’ll recap an episode of a television program. That television program is Parks and Recreation.
The story of this episode is that Chris Traeger and Ann Perkins are leaving Pawnee and the show. It opens with Mrs. Leslie Knope making arrangements for a going away party for her best friend. She then discusses something, and that something is how the two became best friends. What we see is a flashback, and when it flashes back to is a time when Leslie made Ann a pinky promise, which, I think, is a silly sounding word.
What happens next is that April Ludgate speaks to the camera. And what she says is “Ann’s leaving town. Ann’s saying painful goodbyes to loved ones … Greatest day of my life!”
Perd leans back a few degrees for his trademarked nervous laugh, his face hardly changing expression.
Which confuses me, because the emotion suggested by her initial body language is the emotion of sadness.
Next, several of the main characters on the show that are men are talking. What they are also doing is helping Chris pack. Ben Wyatt and Tom Haverford both notice there are boxes with their names on them. Andy notes that there is a box with Plates’ name on it, but it seems to have been a box for actual plates.
Perd widens his eyes to express surprise.
There is a box for each friend, containing a gift that is considered sweet, and unique to its receiver. This concerns Gerry, Ben, Tom, and Andy because they consider their gift to him of a gift card for pans to be lame by comparison.
Perd places his hands face down on his desk.
If you were to ask me if I think it’s a lame gift …
His chin turns a few clicks to the left.
I would say, yes. Ron, who shook Chris’s hand an amount of times that is two, is not as remorseful.
Next, the scene we are seeing is Leslie’s going away party for Ann, which has themes from times of the year that are different from each other, which isn’t like most parties. April says something and yet again I do not know if she is serious or not.
Angling his face again for another exploring laugh.
The thing that Ann discovers next is Leslie’s plan to break ground on the park that brought them together five seasons ago. The other thing that she discovers is that bureaucracy, a word I had to look up, is preventing the ground from being broken.
What Ann and Leslie do for much of the rest of the episode is look for a way to placate Public Works so that they may work, publicly. The story of their resolution of this problem is that I, Perd Hapley, become the proud endorser of Sweetums Dunktastic Three-Point B-Ball Blast.
Perd two-hands a 54-ounce bottle of the lime green liquid from under his desk.
A product which I, Perd Hapley, endorse.
His muscles strain as he tilts the tower of sugar water back for a swig, then back hidden away under his desk.
Ann then tells an anecdote, one that is about me attempting to put my mouth on her mouth, and it is an anecdote that is factual, and true. I find Ms. Perkins to be attractive in many ways, one of those ways being sexual.
Perd purses his lips mischievously, his eyes bulging only slightly.
The conclusion of the story involving the guys’ present for Chris is that Ben solves the rest of the men’s problems by suggesting Ron, who somehow makes objects out of trees, make a box for Chris and his son. The reaction Chris has to receiving this present was one of happiness and joy.
In the episode’s final scene before it ends, much of the cast gather to send Chris and Ann off in the morning. Several of them express feelings that, I assure you as a journalist with honesty and integrity, are emotional. After the couple leaves in the car to drive to another place, Ron suggests the remaining friends eat breakfast. If I was one of the people going with them, I don’t know what I’d order. But I bet I’d use a lot of syrup.